BLD BLOG

I Tivo Oprah everyday. Once or twice a week, I’ll buzz through a show or two and unwind with the queen of television. I only watch the shows that have titles that really interest me.

This week, I sat down to watch the interview with Queen Rania of Jordan (She’s pretty cool, by the way!).

Then Melissa Etheridge came on for an interview.

I’ve never been a raving fan of her music, but I figured I might as well continue to be comfy on my couch and see what she’s bringin’ to the table.

And bring it she did.

She’s been through a lot and offered some good little truth nuggets about life. One in particular struck a chord with me:

“You have to make a choice to perceive life as: ‘Is this the most horrible thing that ever happened to me? Or is this the greatest opportunity for me?’”

I love the way she put this.

I teach this all the time to my clients (and myself). And there are infinite ways to make this same point. But for some reason, the simplicity of this really resonated with me.

This is what it all boils down to.

THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IS TO START LOOKING AT IT DIFFERENTLY.

And yes, I’m even talking to those of you that are in what feels like the very bottom pits of hell.

It is your choice. Always.

And that is a beautiful thing.

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WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?
Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

Ah, the magic of laughter. It’s incredible to feel so filled up that you must burst at the brim…and laugh. Such a phenomenon!

We can be sincere about life without taking it too seriously. Some call it the sixth sense: the sense of humor. Humor isn’t merely about telling jokes; it’s the way we view the world. The perception of humor exists within your mind. It is culturally defined and socially constructed.

Laughter has physical, mental, emotional and social benefits. I did my research and all of the following benefits ROCK. The physical benefits of laughter listed below have been proven through studies time and time again.

LAUGHTER DOES A BODY GOOD BECAUSE IT…

1 – Invokes feelings of happiness and joy.

Facial expressions are not only reactions to emotional states, but can actually PROVOKE these states as well. FASCINATING, huh?!

2 – Relaxes the whole body.

A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

3 – Boosts the immune system.

Laughter increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. It is scientifically proven that people who laugh consistently are able to fight off illness better than those who don’t.

4 – Promotes overall sense of well-being.

Laughter triggers the instantaneous release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals.

5 – Reduces stress.

Laughter reduces at least four hormones associated with stress response: epinephrine (adrenaline), cortisol, dopamine, and growth hormone.

6 – Creates a positive frame of mind.

Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions.

7 – Prevents heart problems.

Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which will help protect you against heart attacks and other cardiovascular problems. When we laugh we lower our blood pressure, it increases the blood flow to the heart and pumps more oxygen into the blood. It also strengthens artery walls.

8 – Results in muscle relaxation.

While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relax. (Pay attention next time you laugh and you’ll definitely notice this!)

9 – Changes your perspective.

Humor gives us a more light-hearted perspective and helps us view events as challenges, not threats.

10 – Causes deep respiration.

Laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect – similar to deep breathing. This is especially helpful for people who are suffering from respiratory ailments.

11 – Lowers blood pressure.

People who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower blood pressure than those who don’t.

12 – Increased intake of O₂.

During laughter, breathing then becomes deeper and sends oxygen enriched blood and nutrients throughout the body.

13 – Creates immediate connection.

When two or more are laughing together – it creates a connection instantly.

14 – Gives a nice internal workout.

A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders. In doing my research for this article, I noticed that some experts call this “internal jogging”.  Funny, huh?!

15 – Can reduce and manage pain.

Two reasons: A) Laughter distracts you, taking your mind off of pain. B) Laughter-released endorphins (natural pain killers) attach to the same receptors in our brain as opiate-based prescription painkillers; thus, chemically giving you pain relief.

16 – Provides a physical release.

Have you ever felt like you “have to laugh or I’ll cry”? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.

17 – Enables you to live longer.

With everything listed above, I don’t think I even have to go into the WHY.

18 – is FUN!

And who doesn’t want more of that?!

Start smiling now and laughing ASAP. Think of times when you always laugh. Are there any common themes of who you are with, where you are, or what you are doing? Recreate those memories in new ways!

Some ideas: Watch your favorite funny movie, go to a comedy club, plan a game night with good friends, record your favorite funny show so that you’re sure not to miss it, talk on the phone to a good friend that you are sure to laugh with, schedule a time to meet someone you laugh with for happy hour or a coffee/tea, begin seeing things that happen in your life with an easier-going attitude (lighten up).

As laughter, humor, and play become an integrated part of your life, your creativity will flourish and new discoveries for playing with friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and loved ones will occur to you daily.

Humor takes you to a higher place where you can view the world from a more relaxed, positive, creative, joyful, and balanced perspective.

“HE WHO LAUGHS, LASTS!”   -Mary Pettibone Poole

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WANT TO SEE MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?

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WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?
Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

Now that we are officially on the top of our holiday weekend, here are four things to help you have a fourth of july that will serve you for the rest of the year:)

1) Be Grateful

We live in an awesome country. It’s a big world out there and the freedom we have here is not the world-wide norm. Take a moment today and sit with that and allow yourself to feel grateful.

2) Be Careful

Lots of fireworks being set off this weekend! Pretty and fun until someone gets a finger blown off. Be careful!

3) Be Reflective

Okay this could the the biggie – if you do it. July 4th is just over 1/2 of our current year, which makes it a perfect time for reflection on your progress with any goals you may have set for 2009. Whether it was a New Year’s resolution or a goal set a little later than that – CHECK IN.  Re-examine the ’09 goals previously set OR set ’09 goals now. July 4th is a perfect marker for either of the above.

Where are you with the goal/goals? What’s working? What’s not? If you’ve gotten nowhere, break down your goal into an even smaller goal. Turtle steps, people, turtle steps. That’s what gets things done. Why? Because it’s MOVEMENT.

There are just under 6 full months left in this year and that is plenty of time for some real movement to occur in whatever you set out to do.

WHO and/or WHAT would you like to be when January 2010 rolls around? Set or modify goals accordingly.

4) Be FUN

Whatever that means for you. Enjoy yourself and this long weekend. Our founding fathers would love that you are taking time to celebrate the monumental change they created!

There are 3 main reasons to travel. Most of the time these reasons blend, but not always.

1) To DISCONNECT from your everyday environment:

You need to unplug from your world every once and a while. It’s important to take an break now and then. Big or small. Taking time to let your mind relax and not think of your normal daily tasks will serve you well. It is a time to renew and refresh. When you come back reinvigorated, you have more to give to yourself and your world. This all goes back to taking care of yourself.

2) To CONNECT with new surroundings:

There is no question that connecting with nature does wonders. Whether it’s a beach, a forest, a canyon, a jungle, a desert, or a glacier – nature can renew and restore like nothing else. A quick way to experience this is to go to a state or national park for a day or two.

Traveling to a big city is also great. Big cities are FUN to experience. Big cities have an undeniable energy that can be invigorating. I LOVE the energy of New York City. I don’t go that often, but when I do it’s always a blast!

3) To CONNECT with people:

One of the most beautiful parts to me about traveling (especially to places very far away) is being exposed to and experiencing the people of that culture. It is amazing to connect with people that have lived a life that seems, on the external, nearly opposite of the life that we lead here at home. But really, we’re all on this journey called life. So we’re not all THAT different. Connecting with the people of another culture teaches compassion and provides a wisdom that you cannot get any other way.

Everyone should travel. You don’t have to travel far. But the farther you go, the more rich the experience. Greater distance traveled = greater culture change.  Experiencing greater culture change = greater compassion and wisdom in your own life.

So, pack up and head out! GROW. Staying in your bubble doesn’t serve you or the world.

My most opposite experience yet…China. Amazing. An unforgettable experience.

Line to get into the Mausoleum of Mao Zedong

Place I’ve been that I want more of…the red rocks of the west.

Place I REALLY want to go? Thailand. I don’t know why. I just do. Maybe next summer:)

Where have you been that you loved? Where do you want to go?

I had some pictures taken yesterday and today for my website and some coaching things I have coming up. It has always been a challenge for me to look natural in front of the camera. I’ve heard advice before about how to appear natural in photos, but nothing of value for me…”RELAX” or Think happy thoughts”…stuff  like that.

Today, at the very beginning of being photographed, it dawned on me…no wonder I was nervous and uptight and unnatural! The internal dialogue going through my head sounded something like: “First of all, you are smiling at a piece of machinery (camera). Look natural. Your smile is fake. RELAX! You’re too stiff.  Stand up straight. Don’t half-smile. Tone that cheezball smile down!”

So, I took a moment to just stop. To take a breath and clear my head. I know that those are crap thoughts. And crap thoughts DON’T DO ANY GOOD – EVER.  Also, thoughts lay the foundation for how we feel. Those thoughts were making me feel insecure, unsure, and shy.

These pictures are going to be used in some way, shape or form to help communicate with people. To help people get a better sense of who I am. Many people will be “meeting” me first by a picture. Soooo, I came up with some better feeling internal dialogue: “Treat the camera like it is a person.” “Smile like it’s the first time you are meeting someone”. I kept going over those two things in my head and WOW, there is a noticeable difference between the pictures taken before that clear-my-head session and after. Every time the photographer started shooting again, I just smiled at the camera like I was meeting someone for the first time. I immediately became more relaxed and easy going. More ME, which is the whole point of these pictures! At some point, I realized that I was actually having fun.

SELF TALK IS HUGE in determining your outcome in whatever it is that you’re doing. Start paying attention to those things (a situation, a project, a task, a goal, a dream, etc.) in your life where you feel powerless, shy, insecure or weak. What is the internal dialogue going on? Once you nail it down – change it. Take a moment and start thinking thoughts that are congruent with the outcome you want. If you are having trouble thinking positive, at least think neutral. It’s a step away from negative and towards positive.

Examples of the feeling states that result from positive, neutral and negative self talk/thoughts:

Positive thoughts result in empowered, strong, confident, and excited feeling states.

Neutral thoughts result in indifferent, calm, at peace, and relaxed feeling states.

Negative thoughts results in weak, insecure, and powerless feeling states.

Once again, if you can’t come up with inner dialogue or thoughts that get you to that place of empowerment and confidence, then just come up with what can give you a calm, relaxed feeling. It’s MUCH better than weak and powerless.

“CRAPPY THOUGHTS PRODUCE CRAPPY RESULTS.” -Susan Hyatt

To think big or small?

To move forward or sideways?

To be confident or cocky?

To be humble or insecure?

To live from the inside-out or the outside-in?

To focus forward or rubber-neck at your past?

To take time to be bored or be bored most of the time? 

To connect with like-minded people or like-actioned people? 

To seek or to meander?

To have a still mind or a stagnant mind?

To stay in your business or meddle in other’s?

To be curious or skeptical?

To live or merely exist?

To be clear or confused?

To be transparent or vague?

To be deliberate or aimless?

To be productive or chaotic?

To make requests or complain?

I choose to think big, move forward, be confident AND humble. I want to BE from the inside-out. I focus forward (although, I had to wear a neck brace for a while from a history of severe rubber-necking at my past). I cherish my scheduled down time and LOVE my like-minded peeps; like-actioned only goes so far. I seek out my truth, practice my still mind, and stay in my business. I am VERY curious and love exploring for answers. I LIVE, baby! In my experience, clarity comes from living inside-out and I strive for that on most days:) I live TAO (transparent, authentic, open). My actions are deliberate for my greater goals. I’ve been working on the last one…NO COMPLAINING:)

With all that being said…the above paragraph will always be a progressive concious process. That’s what it’s all about – living conciously, not unconciously. I choose to grow. There was a  time that I breathed, ate, and existed unconciously. Life is so much better now:) 

What do you choose?

If you haven’t read Tribes (Seth Godin’s latest book)…DO. Pretty quick and GREAT read. The concepts in this book are already in practice for some and new to many. Here is Seth giving a talk about the main idea behind his book. It’s 17 minutes, but AWESOME.

We are way too quick to underestimate the influence that each one of us has.

I used to dance. I used to dance a lot. From the age of three, dance was my thing. When the question was asked, whether on paper or verbally, “What are your hobbies/interests?” – I ALWAYS answered “Dance”.  I graduated college and moved to Atlanta with every intention of picking it up down there (HELLO, hip hop capital of the world!) and never did. And now I have lived in L.A. for almost two years and still no dance. My desire for dance had been buried by excuses followed by lack of attention to it. I could give you ninety-seven reasons why I haven’t danced in years…EXCUSES.

So, why did the excuses initially exist? Well, it’s easy to be “too busy” to get it going. But come on, what is “too busy” covering up. If I really wanted to do it, I would have… right? I mean think about it. We make time for the things we truly want to do. Hell, we probably make even more time for things that we don’t want to do in life, but feel like we have to (that subject needs it’s own post, but seriously take a look at your to-do list). So, why didn’t I make it happen? After some attention and questioning to this matter, this is what I came up with: FALSE FEAR.

There is an awesome explanation of fear in ”Finding Your Own Northstar” by Martha Beck, but let me break it down for you here:

Fear’s purpose is to protect from danger. If you are walking to your car at night and you see a man ahead of you just hanging out and you get an instinctive jolt of fear – you are scared of this guy. Your fear tells you to turn and run. That is true fear.

False fear shows up as generalized anxiety or worry and doesn’t lead to clear action. It usually shows up when the ego is involved. My “fear” was anxiety that I wouldn’t be good enough to keep up with hip hop in Atlanta. I was a good dancer in Indiana. In my mind, Atlanta was going to be another level. And now in L.A., I was recently asked why I don’t still dance. I didn’t know how to answer that. Good question. Why don’t I still dance? “I’m going to get back into it”, I thought to myself. And then the excuses started pouring. And that is when I did the above investigating to finally get to the bottom of this. Once I figured out that false fear was keeping me from getting back into dance – I knew I had to do it.

Healthy reactions to fear:

True fear–> Run from danger.

False fear–> Face it head on.

So, I did some research and chose a studio. Before I went to class, I gave myself permission to be willing to suck at dance. It had been a long time. What if I was rusty and could not keep up with the choreography? What’s the worst thing that could happen? I am there for ME. My opinion is the only one that counts here. Totally fine if I suck at this, I’m there to have fun.

And it was the most fun thing I have done in a long time. I didn’t realize how much I missed dance. I was in heaven. I was surrounded by people that love it just as much as I do. The music was incredible. The choreography was incredible. The instructors were awesome. The other students were nice. I kept up just fine. And most importantly, I had a blast! If I would have let that false fear stand in my way, I would have continued to miss out on my passion.

So here’s to kicking false fear’s ass and living life to it’s fullest! Cheers!

What if, for a day, you were not capable of experiencing any of the five physical senses? Not sight, sound, taste, smell or touch. But your were still able to think and feel emotions.

What would be the driving force behind decision making?

The sense of feeling emotion is what would guide you through your day. You would naturally follow what feels good for you. If you were so in tune with this sense, you would undoubtedly be more in tune with intuition (gut feeling). You would realize that your thoughts truly are the trigger for emotion, not what happens around you.

What if we let go of the addiction to data collection and analyzation? What would happen if you felt your way through a day? What would happen if you stopped trying to think your way through and made decisions based on what feels right for you? 

We live in a world that requires us to make decisions using that left brain of ours. But what if we toned it down a bit and checked in to see where we could slow down our busy mind? The second you begin analyzing, you create a cloud around your options. Start practicing with small decisions and items on your to-do list.

For a day, focus on leaning towards what feels good and right for you. Steer away from over-analyzation. Your decisions with be made quicker and you will feel better. 

“Many people try to think their way through the block when it’s their thinking that IS the block.”-Martha Beck

On my journey of creating a life of extreme happiness, I have had the privilege of being exposed to some pretty awesome people. I love learning of these people. They inspire me. Check out design guru Conn Brattain, or Chelsea and her crew, or funny woman Alisha Gaddis, or Alexandra Jackson’s amazing voice, or the crazy-good life coach Melissa Foster (how can I miss an opportunity to plug my non-conventional career move!), or Lauren and Derek’s passion for unique and beautiful things. Although, these are some of my favorites, there are more. Some of them don’t have websites, so I can’t direct you on the web to their awesomeness.

For all of you out there that are saying “Yes, but they have talent that is carrying them”, let me set the record straight: These people aren’t floating along on their talent. They made a decision to act on what truly interested them. And that commitment involves A LOT of hard work, sweat and the occasional tear. But the journey is SO rewarding and FUN. Hard work doesn’t feel so hard when you are loving what you do.  It’s not a cake walk, but it’s a path that fills up your soul. By following your interests and desires, dreams and goals are created. The people I mentioned above inch along, and often speed along, with a drive that is fueled by commitment to honor doing what makes them happy.

What is your interest and/or desire? Is it writing, dancing, playing cards, cooking, speaking, drawing, sports, sewing? Whatever it is, there is a way to take it to the next level if you so wish. The only thing that can stop you is your thinking. Commit to spend 30 minutes this week doing what interests and inspires you. You can break it up or do the full 30 minutes at once, whatever feels best for you. Action from an inspired place is like magic.

Please share some of your favorite people on the web! If they inspire or impress you, they are likely to do that with others.