I Tivo Oprah everyday. Once or twice a week, I’ll buzz through a show or two and unwind with the queen of television. I only watch the shows that have titles that really interest me.

This week, I sat down to watch the interview with Queen Rania of Jordan (She’s pretty cool, by the way!).

Then Melissa Etheridge came on for an interview.

I’ve never been a raving fan of her music, but I figured I might as well continue to be comfy on my couch and see what she’s bringin’ to the table.

And bring it she did.

She’s been through a lot and offered some good little truth nuggets about life. One in particular struck a chord with me:

“You have to make a choice to perceive life as: ‘Is this the most horrible thing that ever happened to me? Or is this the greatest opportunity for me?’”

I love the way she put this.

I teach this all the time to my clients (and myself). And there are infinite ways to make this same point. But for some reason, the simplicity of this really resonated with me.

This is what it all boils down to.

THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IS TO START LOOKING AT IT DIFFERENTLY.

And yes, I’m even talking to those of you that are in what feels like the very bottom pits of hell.

It is your choice. Always.

And that is a beautiful thing.

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Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

Ah, the magic of laughter. It’s incredible to feel so filled up that you must burst at the brim…and laugh. Such a phenomenon!

We can be sincere about life without taking it too seriously. Some call it the sixth sense: the sense of humor. Humor isn’t merely about telling jokes; it’s the way we view the world. The perception of humor exists within your mind. It is culturally defined and socially constructed.

Laughter has physical, mental, emotional and social benefits. I did my research and all of the following benefits ROCK. The physical benefits of laughter listed below have been proven through studies time and time again.

LAUGHTER DOES A BODY GOOD BECAUSE IT…

1 – Invokes feelings of happiness and joy.

Facial expressions are not only reactions to emotional states, but can actually PROVOKE these states as well. FASCINATING, huh?!

2 – Relaxes the whole body.

A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

3 – Boosts the immune system.

Laughter increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. It is scientifically proven that people who laugh consistently are able to fight off illness better than those who don’t.

4 – Promotes overall sense of well-being.

Laughter triggers the instantaneous release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals.

5 – Reduces stress.

Laughter reduces at least four hormones associated with stress response: epinephrine (adrenaline), cortisol, dopamine, and growth hormone.

6 – Creates a positive frame of mind.

Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions.

7 – Prevents heart problems.

Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which will help protect you against heart attacks and other cardiovascular problems. When we laugh we lower our blood pressure, it increases the blood flow to the heart and pumps more oxygen into the blood. It also strengthens artery walls.

8 – Results in muscle relaxation.

While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relax. (Pay attention next time you laugh and you’ll definitely notice this!)

9 – Changes your perspective.

Humor gives us a more light-hearted perspective and helps us view events as challenges, not threats.

10 – Causes deep respiration.

Laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect – similar to deep breathing. This is especially helpful for people who are suffering from respiratory ailments.

11 – Lowers blood pressure.

People who laugh heartily on a regular basis have lower blood pressure than those who don’t.

12 – Increased intake of O₂.

During laughter, breathing then becomes deeper and sends oxygen enriched blood and nutrients throughout the body.

13 – Creates immediate connection.

When two or more are laughing together – it creates a connection instantly.

14 – Gives a nice internal workout.

A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders. In doing my research for this article, I noticed that some experts call this “internal jogging”.  Funny, huh?!

15 – Can reduce and manage pain.

Two reasons: A) Laughter distracts you, taking your mind off of pain. B) Laughter-released endorphins (natural pain killers) attach to the same receptors in our brain as opiate-based prescription painkillers; thus, chemically giving you pain relief.

16 – Provides a physical release.

Have you ever felt like you “have to laugh or I’ll cry”? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.

17 – Enables you to live longer.

With everything listed above, I don’t think I even have to go into the WHY.

18 – is FUN!

And who doesn’t want more of that?!

Start smiling now and laughing ASAP. Think of times when you always laugh. Are there any common themes of who you are with, where you are, or what you are doing? Recreate those memories in new ways!

Some ideas: Watch your favorite funny movie, go to a comedy club, plan a game night with good friends, record your favorite funny show so that you’re sure not to miss it, talk on the phone to a good friend that you are sure to laugh with, schedule a time to meet someone you laugh with for happy hour or a coffee/tea, begin seeing things that happen in your life with an easier-going attitude (lighten up).

As laughter, humor, and play become an integrated part of your life, your creativity will flourish and new discoveries for playing with friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and loved ones will occur to you daily.

Humor takes you to a higher place where you can view the world from a more relaxed, positive, creative, joyful, and balanced perspective.

“HE WHO LAUGHS, LASTS!”   -Mary Pettibone Poole

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Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

When someone tells you of their devastating medical news, it can be hard to know exactly what to say. Here are four things to keep in mind so that you can be there for them in the most supportive way possible.

TIP #1: SHOW CONCERN, NOT FEAR

You know when someone else is fearful – even when they don’t verbalize it, you can almost smell it.

It would be unconstructive and discouraging for them to sense the fear that you may feel for them. Deal with your fear away from them. That is your stuff. Don’t even give them a chance to take on your fear.

Showing CARE and CONCERN for them, however, is completely appropriate.

Because there are parts of devastating medical news that present uncertainty and pain, that is all we tend to look at. We let fear of these things take over. It’s important to look at the big picture. Everyone has their own journey. And this news has become a part of theirs. Yes, there will be and is uncertainty and pain. There is ALSO the chance to take a step back and evaluate priorities, relationships, etc.

It’s not a joy ride. However, these are the kind of times where life lessons take place. And allowing fear to take over will only place drama in the situation. Read on for more tips to make sure you are showing care and concern.

TIP #2: DON’T SAY I’M SORRY

Often times, because we don’t know what to say, “I’m so sorry” is what comes out.

Saying sorry does not help the person in any way, shape or form.

Saying sorry implies doom.

Imagine being the one (or maybe you have been the one) informing the necessary people of a devastating diagnosis that’s been given to you. Can you imagine if every one of them said “I’m so sorry”? It would be disheartening.

And why say sorry? In a very subtle way (even though you don’t mean it this way), saying sorry makes it a little about you. And this is all about them.

Example: When they tell you their news, instead of “I’m sorry”, you could say “Oh wow. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot lately.” Let them know that you realize this is a big deal without having pity on them. And don’t say much more than that initially. They will most likely begin again with more information about what’s going on.

Keep reading for other appropriate things to say…

TIP #3: BE INTERESTED, NOT CURIOUS.

Be interested in them, not curious about their situation.

When you are curious, you are eager to learn the details of the situation. There is a sense of trivial and unnecessary conversation.

Being interested, you are more on their level wanting to connect and listen. There is a sense of care and concern.

If you are not at eye level when this news is delivered to you – get at eye level with them. This promotes more of an equal and connected feeling between the two of you.

Now, going back to the example: If while you are giving them the space to talk, there are several seconds of silence, you could ask something like…

“Have you already begun any treatment?” or “Have your doctors already set up a treatment plan with you?”

Asking these questions shows that you care about them and what they’re going through, not the details of the diagnosis. The details of the diagnosis are not for you to ask about because it doesn’t matter. It matters to the team of doctors that need to decide the course of treatment.

Curiosity and interest are two totally different energies. And if you think they can’t FEEL the difference between these two energies – think again.

TIP #4: BE COMFORTING

Be calm. Be warm. Be present.

Listen until they give you the space to talk. And when it is your turn to talk, say things that convey your support and care for them in a genuine and comforting tone of voice. Your tone of voice can make all of the difference.

See them through your eyes as the perfect soul that they are and nothing less.

Towards the end of your conversation, say could something to the effect of “If there is ever anything I can do to make any step of this journey a little easier for you – don’t hesitate to let me know.”

And if it feels right to you, drop them a card in the mail soon after to let them know that they are in your thoughts.

You can certainly say more than what I have offered in this article. My hope is that you get a sense of the overall tone that will be most helpful for the person.

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Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

Listed below are sure-fire tips that promote a clear and sharp mind…

1 – Become Aware of Your Thoughts

It doesn’t always feel like there is a separation between our mind and soul. There are three parts to each of us: body (our fascinating and very advanced HOUSE), mind (our thinking; the ENGINE) and soul (the LIFE that resides in the HOUSE).

Thoughts are powerful. In fact, they are literally our point of power. They guide us.

The funny thing is, we usually just think away without ever really thinking what we’re thinking about!

Being aware of your thoughts just means that you NOTICE, without judgment, the thoughts that you think. Our thoughts are like the running ticker at the bottom of a CNN screen. So, just as you would watch the ticker at the bottom of the screen – watch your own thinking. And again, WITHOUT JUDGMENT. Don’t try to analyze, just notice.

Practice this as much as possible. And like with anything else, the more you practice – the better you get.

2 – Spend Time in Silence

There is so much going on in our lives. Our minds are constantly distracted by sights and sounds. Especially in today’s society because we have technology around us at all times.

Technology is fabulous, but being inundated with it creates overstimulation. And we wonder why ADD is so prevalent these days! It is so easy to disconnect from ourselves and constantly be taken up with our environment.

Sitting in silence/meditating is like hitting the reset button. We need time to reconnect with ourselves and reset so that we can live from the inside out. So that we can live from a centered place.

When we go through life out of touch with ourselves and uncentered, we are constantly REACTING to our environment.

Schedule at least 5 minutes/day for silence. Close your eyes, breathe, and just be. Reconnect your body, mind and soul. Reconnect with yourself.

3 – Take Brain Breaks

Research shows that short breaks from your work or activity will create more efficient and laser focused attention during the work periods.

For every 60-90 minutes of work, take a 5-10 minute break.

Schedule your work periods and schedule your breaks. AND STICK TO IT.

The brain performs better when it has plenty of oxygenated blood. During a break, get your blood flowing a bit. For example, breathe deeply for a minute or two to get some good oxygen into your blood. After the deep breaths, stretch out and move around. Stretch up tall and definitely stretch your legs. Walk around some if you can.

It’s important to give your brain breaks. Stop treating it like a workhorse! Start incorporating this into your day and watch yourself get sharper and more productive!

4 – Avoid over-eating

FOOD COMAS. We’ve all had them. That lethargic feeling after eating too much.

Talk about brain fog! There is no way that you can be sharp and clear after over-eating.

The best way to avoid over-eating is to eat for FUEL 90% of the time. (The other 10% is for joy eating…birthday cake and other times of celebration!)

LISTEN to your body. It will tell you when you’re hungry and when you’re not. We just aren’t used to tuning in to listen to the sensations that our body gives.

Think of hunger as a scale of -10 to +10. -10 is FAMISHED. +10 is STUFFED. And right, smack dab in the middle is Zero. Zero is neutral. Try to constantly stay between -2 and +2.

Staying in this range will keep your eating from jeopardizing your mental clarity.

5 – Eliminate consistent, excessive alcohol intake

With this kind of brain fog – you just feel plain stupid.

Consistent moderate alcohol intake results in consistent mild to moderate brain fog.

Getting hammered will result in severe brain fog for 1-2 days and mild brain fog for days after that.

There are a couple of reasons for these lasting effects…

Alcohol strips vitamin B1 (thiamine) from your brain. Thiamine is essential for brain function. This deficiency that is inevitable from getting a buzz (or plastered) results in depression, irritability and brain fog.

Also, alcohol consumption suppresses REM sleep. REM sleep lasts for 70-90 minutes each night and is when you actively dream. Emotions and stress are dealt with during REM sleep. Lack of REM sleep can make you feel more stressed, emotional and can result in a decline of mental activity (as well as hormone and immune system problems).

Start incorporating these tips into your life and notice how much better you regularly begin to feel!

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Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

Now that we are officially on the top of our holiday weekend, here are four things to help you have a fourth of july that will serve you for the rest of the year:)

1) Be Grateful

We live in an awesome country. It’s a big world out there and the freedom we have here is not the world-wide norm. Take a moment today and sit with that and allow yourself to feel grateful.

2) Be Careful

Lots of fireworks being set off this weekend! Pretty and fun until someone gets a finger blown off. Be careful!

3) Be Reflective

Okay this could the the biggie – if you do it. July 4th is just over 1/2 of our current year, which makes it a perfect time for reflection on your progress with any goals you may have set for 2009. Whether it was a New Year’s resolution or a goal set a little later than that – CHECK IN.  Re-examine the ’09 goals previously set OR set ’09 goals now. July 4th is a perfect marker for either of the above.

Where are you with the goal/goals? What’s working? What’s not? If you’ve gotten nowhere, break down your goal into an even smaller goal. Turtle steps, people, turtle steps. That’s what gets things done. Why? Because it’s MOVEMENT.

There are just under 6 full months left in this year and that is plenty of time for some real movement to occur in whatever you set out to do.

WHO and/or WHAT would you like to be when January 2010 rolls around? Set or modify goals accordingly.

4) Be FUN

Whatever that means for you. Enjoy yourself and this long weekend. Our founding fathers would love that you are taking time to celebrate the monumental change they created!

There are 3 main reasons to travel. Most of the time these reasons blend, but not always.

1) To DISCONNECT from your everyday environment:

You need to unplug from your world every once and a while. It’s important to take an break now and then. Big or small. Taking time to let your mind relax and not think of your normal daily tasks will serve you well. It is a time to renew and refresh. When you come back reinvigorated, you have more to give to yourself and your world. This all goes back to taking care of yourself.

2) To CONNECT with new surroundings:

There is no question that connecting with nature does wonders. Whether it’s a beach, a forest, a canyon, a jungle, a desert, or a glacier – nature can renew and restore like nothing else. A quick way to experience this is to go to a state or national park for a day or two.

Traveling to a big city is also great. Big cities are FUN to experience. Big cities have an undeniable energy that can be invigorating. I LOVE the energy of New York City. I don’t go that often, but when I do it’s always a blast!

3) To CONNECT with people:

One of the most beautiful parts to me about traveling (especially to places very far away) is being exposed to and experiencing the people of that culture. It is amazing to connect with people that have lived a life that seems, on the external, nearly opposite of the life that we lead here at home. But really, we’re all on this journey called life. So we’re not all THAT different. Connecting with the people of another culture teaches compassion and provides a wisdom that you cannot get any other way.

Everyone should travel. You don’t have to travel far. But the farther you go, the more rich the experience. Greater distance traveled = greater culture change.  Experiencing greater culture change = greater compassion and wisdom in your own life.

So, pack up and head out! GROW. Staying in your bubble doesn’t serve you or the world.

My most opposite experience yet…China. Amazing. An unforgettable experience.

Line to get into the Mausoleum of Mao Zedong

Place I’ve been that I want more of…the red rocks of the west.

Place I REALLY want to go? Thailand. I don’t know why. I just do. Maybe next summer:)

Where have you been that you loved? Where do you want to go?

If you haven’t read Tribes (Seth Godin’s latest book)…DO. Pretty quick and GREAT read. The concepts in this book are already in practice for some and new to many. Here is Seth giving a talk about the main idea behind his book. It’s 17 minutes, but AWESOME.

We are way too quick to underestimate the influence that each one of us has.

I used to dance. I used to dance a lot. From the age of three, dance was my thing. When the question was asked, whether on paper or verbally, “What are your hobbies/interests?” – I ALWAYS answered “Dance”.  I graduated college and moved to Atlanta with every intention of picking it up down there (HELLO, hip hop capital of the world!) and never did. And now I have lived in L.A. for almost two years and still no dance. My desire for dance had been buried by excuses followed by lack of attention to it. I could give you ninety-seven reasons why I haven’t danced in years…EXCUSES.

So, why did the excuses initially exist? Well, it’s easy to be “too busy” to get it going. But come on, what is “too busy” covering up. If I really wanted to do it, I would have… right? I mean think about it. We make time for the things we truly want to do. Hell, we probably make even more time for things that we don’t want to do in life, but feel like we have to (that subject needs it’s own post, but seriously take a look at your to-do list). So, why didn’t I make it happen? After some attention and questioning to this matter, this is what I came up with: FALSE FEAR.

There is an awesome explanation of fear in ”Finding Your Own Northstar” by Martha Beck, but let me break it down for you here:

Fear’s purpose is to protect from danger. If you are walking to your car at night and you see a man ahead of you just hanging out and you get an instinctive jolt of fear – you are scared of this guy. Your fear tells you to turn and run. That is true fear.

False fear shows up as generalized anxiety or worry and doesn’t lead to clear action. It usually shows up when the ego is involved. My “fear” was anxiety that I wouldn’t be good enough to keep up with hip hop in Atlanta. I was a good dancer in Indiana. In my mind, Atlanta was going to be another level. And now in L.A., I was recently asked why I don’t still dance. I didn’t know how to answer that. Good question. Why don’t I still dance? “I’m going to get back into it”, I thought to myself. And then the excuses started pouring. And that is when I did the above investigating to finally get to the bottom of this. Once I figured out that false fear was keeping me from getting back into dance – I knew I had to do it.

Healthy reactions to fear:

True fear–> Run from danger.

False fear–> Face it head on.

So, I did some research and chose a studio. Before I went to class, I gave myself permission to be willing to suck at dance. It had been a long time. What if I was rusty and could not keep up with the choreography? What’s the worst thing that could happen? I am there for ME. My opinion is the only one that counts here. Totally fine if I suck at this, I’m there to have fun.

And it was the most fun thing I have done in a long time. I didn’t realize how much I missed dance. I was in heaven. I was surrounded by people that love it just as much as I do. The music was incredible. The choreography was incredible. The instructors were awesome. The other students were nice. I kept up just fine. And most importantly, I had a blast! If I would have let that false fear stand in my way, I would have continued to miss out on my passion.

So here’s to kicking false fear’s ass and living life to it’s fullest! Cheers!

Since the new year, I have felt like my creativity and inspiration have been shut off. Deep down I know this isn’t true, but content and new ideas for my teleclasses, blogs and coaching have not been pouring out of me like they were last year. My motivation and creativity are not at the level that they were last year. What gives?! I have found myself saying “That’s the way it goes. It’s just the ebbs and flows of life.”  But it didn’t feel good to believe it. A bit of panic is actually more of what I felt. “What if I’m in a continuous ebb? What do I do in the meantime? I should be on the ball and moving forward with the same focus and speed that I was six months ago!”

When I hear of “ebbs and flows”, my mind automatically wants to make the ebb the more negative of the two words. After all, the definition of an ebb is a point of decline. Sounds dreadful.  With the word flow (in this context), I think of success, production, movement, action, inspiration, creativity. Ebb sounds like an unproductive lull. And who wants that?

But as I was talking to a friend today, it dawned on my that the ebb is just as important as the flow. Without the ebb, there could be no flow. We are not robots that are wired to go go go all day everyday forever. The ebb is our downtime; our time to recharge for the next flow. My perception of this downtime was working against me. My thoughts that I should be in a flow were dragging down my attitude and sending me into a state of concern, which shut off any opportunity for that quiet time of growth that the ebb offers. The ebb is the time to be still, to recenter, to turn inward and refocus, to set intentions. I do think it is important to consistently practice these things whether you are in an ebb or a flow, but during an ebb – it is essential. 

My belief that an ebb = bad was not working for me, but against me. When I did some work to unwind my attachment to this and realize the importance of an ebb, it completely shifted my thinking. And in turn, I feel good about where I am and where I’m headed.

A belief is a thought that you have told yourself over and over and you are attached to. Some beliefs work for us and some don’t. When you question your beliefs: Write down a belief or a painful thought. Now write down the opposite of that thought/belief. Does the opposite feel just as true or truer than the original? Sit with it for a second. You may surprise yourself:)

Original beliefs (success strangler):

An ebb is an idle and useless lull.

The ebb is in my way.

Belief’s opposite (gateway for success):

An ebb is a useful  opportunity.

The ebb is my way.

It’s all in your thinking. I feel much better and am much more effective as someone who believes that this ebb of mine is a perfect opportunity and is my perfect path. To think otherwise drags me down and sends me into a vicious cycle of ineffective and painful thoughts that will keep me stagnant. Stating the opposite and considering it is a very easy way to change your tune. 

Love the ebb.

Oh, and happy painful-thought destroying:)

Loving my ebb,

Melissa

On my journey of creating a life of extreme happiness, I have had the privilege of being exposed to some pretty awesome people. I love learning of these people. They inspire me. Check out design guru Conn Brattain, or Chelsea and her crew, or funny woman Alisha Gaddis, or Alexandra Jackson’s amazing voice, or the crazy-good life coach Melissa Foster (how can I miss an opportunity to plug my non-conventional career move!), or Lauren and Derek’s passion for unique and beautiful things. Although, these are some of my favorites, there are more. Some of them don’t have websites, so I can’t direct you on the web to their awesomeness.

For all of you out there that are saying “Yes, but they have talent that is carrying them”, let me set the record straight: These people aren’t floating along on their talent. They made a decision to act on what truly interested them. And that commitment involves A LOT of hard work, sweat and the occasional tear. But the journey is SO rewarding and FUN. Hard work doesn’t feel so hard when you are loving what you do.  It’s not a cake walk, but it’s a path that fills up your soul. By following your interests and desires, dreams and goals are created. The people I mentioned above inch along, and often speed along, with a drive that is fueled by commitment to honor doing what makes them happy.

What is your interest and/or desire? Is it writing, dancing, playing cards, cooking, speaking, drawing, sports, sewing? Whatever it is, there is a way to take it to the next level if you so wish. The only thing that can stop you is your thinking. Commit to spend 30 minutes this week doing what interests and inspires you. You can break it up or do the full 30 minutes at once, whatever feels best for you. Action from an inspired place is like magic.

Please share some of your favorite people on the web! If they inspire or impress you, they are likely to do that with others.