When someone tells you of their devastating medical news, it can be hard to know exactly what to say. Here are four things to keep in mind so that you can be there for them in the most supportive way possible.

TIP #1: SHOW CONCERN, NOT FEAR

You know when someone else is fearful – even when they don’t verbalize it, you can almost smell it.

It would be unconstructive and discouraging for them to sense the fear that you may feel for them. Deal with your fear away from them. That is your stuff. Don’t even give them a chance to take on your fear.

Showing CARE and CONCERN for them, however, is completely appropriate.

Because there are parts of devastating medical news that present uncertainty and pain, that is all we tend to look at. We let fear of these things take over. It’s important to look at the big picture. Everyone has their own journey. And this news has become a part of theirs. Yes, there will be and is uncertainty and pain. There is ALSO the chance to take a step back and evaluate priorities, relationships, etc.

It’s not a joy ride. However, these are the kind of times where life lessons take place. And allowing fear to take over will only place drama in the situation. Read on for more tips to make sure you are showing care and concern.

TIP #2: DON’T SAY I’M SORRY

Often times, because we don’t know what to say, “I’m so sorry” is what comes out.

Saying sorry does not help the person in any way, shape or form.

Saying sorry implies doom.

Imagine being the one (or maybe you have been the one) informing the necessary people of a devastating diagnosis that’s been given to you. Can you imagine if every one of them said “I’m so sorry”? It would be disheartening.

And why say sorry? In a very subtle way (even though you don’t mean it this way), saying sorry makes it a little about you. And this is all about them.

Example: When they tell you their news, instead of “I’m sorry”, you could say “Oh wow. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot lately.” Let them know that you realize this is a big deal without having pity on them. And don’t say much more than that initially. They will most likely begin again with more information about what’s going on.

Keep reading for other appropriate things to say…

TIP #3: BE INTERESTED, NOT CURIOUS.

Be interested in them, not curious about their situation.

When you are curious, you are eager to learn the details of the situation. There is a sense of trivial and unnecessary conversation.

Being interested, you are more on their level wanting to connect and listen. There is a sense of care and concern.

If you are not at eye level when this news is delivered to you – get at eye level with them. This promotes more of an equal and connected feeling between the two of you.

Now, going back to the example: If while you are giving them the space to talk, there are several seconds of silence, you could ask something like…

“Have you already begun any treatment?” or “Have your doctors already set up a treatment plan with you?”

Asking these questions shows that you care about them and what they’re going through, not the details of the diagnosis. The details of the diagnosis are not for you to ask about because it doesn’t matter. It matters to the team of doctors that need to decide the course of treatment.

Curiosity and interest are two totally different energies. And if you think they can’t FEEL the difference between these two energies – think again.

TIP #4: BE COMFORTING

Be calm. Be warm. Be present.

Listen until they give you the space to talk. And when it is your turn to talk, say things that convey your support and care for them in a genuine and comforting tone of voice. Your tone of voice can make all of the difference.

See them through your eyes as the perfect soul that they are and nothing less.

Towards the end of your conversation, say could something to the effect of “If there is ever anything I can do to make any step of this journey a little easier for you – don’t hesitate to let me know.”

And if it feels right to you, drop them a card in the mail soon after to let them know that they are in your thoughts.

You can certainly say more than what I have offered in this article. My hope is that you get a sense of the overall tone that will be most helpful for the person.

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Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

Listed below are sure-fire tips that promote a clear and sharp mind…

1 – Become Aware of Your Thoughts

It doesn’t always feel like there is a separation between our mind and soul. There are three parts to each of us: body (our fascinating and very advanced HOUSE), mind (our thinking; the ENGINE) and soul (the LIFE that resides in the HOUSE).

Thoughts are powerful. In fact, they are literally our point of power. They guide us.

The funny thing is, we usually just think away without ever really thinking what we’re thinking about!

Being aware of your thoughts just means that you NOTICE, without judgment, the thoughts that you think. Our thoughts are like the running ticker at the bottom of a CNN screen. So, just as you would watch the ticker at the bottom of the screen – watch your own thinking. And again, WITHOUT JUDGMENT. Don’t try to analyze, just notice.

Practice this as much as possible. And like with anything else, the more you practice – the better you get.

2 – Spend Time in Silence

There is so much going on in our lives. Our minds are constantly distracted by sights and sounds. Especially in today’s society because we have technology around us at all times.

Technology is fabulous, but being inundated with it creates overstimulation. And we wonder why ADD is so prevalent these days! It is so easy to disconnect from ourselves and constantly be taken up with our environment.

Sitting in silence/meditating is like hitting the reset button. We need time to reconnect with ourselves and reset so that we can live from the inside out. So that we can live from a centered place.

When we go through life out of touch with ourselves and uncentered, we are constantly REACTING to our environment.

Schedule at least 5 minutes/day for silence. Close your eyes, breathe, and just be. Reconnect your body, mind and soul. Reconnect with yourself.

3 – Take Brain Breaks

Research shows that short breaks from your work or activity will create more efficient and laser focused attention during the work periods.

For every 60-90 minutes of work, take a 5-10 minute break.

Schedule your work periods and schedule your breaks. AND STICK TO IT.

The brain performs better when it has plenty of oxygenated blood. During a break, get your blood flowing a bit. For example, breathe deeply for a minute or two to get some good oxygen into your blood. After the deep breaths, stretch out and move around. Stretch up tall and definitely stretch your legs. Walk around some if you can.

It’s important to give your brain breaks. Stop treating it like a workhorse! Start incorporating this into your day and watch yourself get sharper and more productive!

4 – Avoid over-eating

FOOD COMAS. We’ve all had them. That lethargic feeling after eating too much.

Talk about brain fog! There is no way that you can be sharp and clear after over-eating.

The best way to avoid over-eating is to eat for FUEL 90% of the time. (The other 10% is for joy eating…birthday cake and other times of celebration!)

LISTEN to your body. It will tell you when you’re hungry and when you’re not. We just aren’t used to tuning in to listen to the sensations that our body gives.

Think of hunger as a scale of -10 to +10. -10 is FAMISHED. +10 is STUFFED. And right, smack dab in the middle is Zero. Zero is neutral. Try to constantly stay between -2 and +2.

Staying in this range will keep your eating from jeopardizing your mental clarity.

5 – Eliminate consistent, excessive alcohol intake

With this kind of brain fog – you just feel plain stupid.

Consistent moderate alcohol intake results in consistent mild to moderate brain fog.

Getting hammered will result in severe brain fog for 1-2 days and mild brain fog for days after that.

There are a couple of reasons for these lasting effects…

Alcohol strips vitamin B1 (thiamine) from your brain. Thiamine is essential for brain function. This deficiency that is inevitable from getting a buzz (or plastered) results in depression, irritability and brain fog.

Also, alcohol consumption suppresses REM sleep. REM sleep lasts for 70-90 minutes each night and is when you actively dream. Emotions and stress are dealt with during REM sleep. Lack of REM sleep can make you feel more stressed, emotional and can result in a decline of mental activity (as well as hormone and immune system problems).

Start incorporating these tips into your life and notice how much better you regularly begin to feel!

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Owner of Brilliant Life Design and twenty/thirty-something life coach, Melissa Foster, works with clients to take their life OFF of auto-pilot and get ON purpose. If you want to start living a life that delivers lasting success, sign up for a fre*e subscription to Melissa’s weekly eZine, Fully Alive at www.BrilliantLifeDesign.com.

I used to dance. I used to dance a lot. From the age of three, dance was my thing. When the question was asked, whether on paper or verbally, “What are your hobbies/interests?” – I ALWAYS answered “Dance”.  I graduated college and moved to Atlanta with every intention of picking it up down there (HELLO, hip hop capital of the world!) and never did. And now I have lived in L.A. for almost two years and still no dance. My desire for dance had been buried by excuses followed by lack of attention to it. I could give you ninety-seven reasons why I haven’t danced in years…EXCUSES.

So, why did the excuses initially exist? Well, it’s easy to be “too busy” to get it going. But come on, what is “too busy” covering up. If I really wanted to do it, I would have… right? I mean think about it. We make time for the things we truly want to do. Hell, we probably make even more time for things that we don’t want to do in life, but feel like we have to (that subject needs it’s own post, but seriously take a look at your to-do list). So, why didn’t I make it happen? After some attention and questioning to this matter, this is what I came up with: FALSE FEAR.

There is an awesome explanation of fear in ”Finding Your Own Northstar” by Martha Beck, but let me break it down for you here:

Fear’s purpose is to protect from danger. If you are walking to your car at night and you see a man ahead of you just hanging out and you get an instinctive jolt of fear – you are scared of this guy. Your fear tells you to turn and run. That is true fear.

False fear shows up as generalized anxiety or worry and doesn’t lead to clear action. It usually shows up when the ego is involved. My “fear” was anxiety that I wouldn’t be good enough to keep up with hip hop in Atlanta. I was a good dancer in Indiana. In my mind, Atlanta was going to be another level. And now in L.A., I was recently asked why I don’t still dance. I didn’t know how to answer that. Good question. Why don’t I still dance? “I’m going to get back into it”, I thought to myself. And then the excuses started pouring. And that is when I did the above investigating to finally get to the bottom of this. Once I figured out that false fear was keeping me from getting back into dance – I knew I had to do it.

Healthy reactions to fear:

True fear–> Run from danger.

False fear–> Face it head on.

So, I did some research and chose a studio. Before I went to class, I gave myself permission to be willing to suck at dance. It had been a long time. What if I was rusty and could not keep up with the choreography? What’s the worst thing that could happen? I am there for ME. My opinion is the only one that counts here. Totally fine if I suck at this, I’m there to have fun.

And it was the most fun thing I have done in a long time. I didn’t realize how much I missed dance. I was in heaven. I was surrounded by people that love it just as much as I do. The music was incredible. The choreography was incredible. The instructors were awesome. The other students were nice. I kept up just fine. And most importantly, I had a blast! If I would have let that false fear stand in my way, I would have continued to miss out on my passion.

So here’s to kicking false fear’s ass and living life to it’s fullest! Cheers!